Wild (home) Life

Just a few of the creepy crawlys that seem to have my made my home, theirs.  Found another snake skin in my kitchen, possibly cobra according to the neighbors.  Unfortunately I tossed it before snapping a picture.  Here are the rest....

This guy comes up to my porch pretty regularly.  Other than having to check my shoes in the morning to make sure he isn't down in them, he's not much of a nuisance so I leave him be...



Have no idea why this huge crab keeps showing up in my driveway.  There is a creek behind my house, but I guess he sees my driveway as a little vacation before he heads back home.  (crap just tried to upload this here and its a blurry photo.  I'll ad it when I snap a new one on my next sighting).

This is a catfish flopping around in my driveway.  With the monsoon season here the creek out back keeps over flowing and flooding my house, so he must have gotten lost.  I nudged him back towards the flooded area and he seemed fine.

Yet another fish on the street.  This one was hopeless.  The flooded area (see the next post) was quite far away so I had no idea how he got there.



And finally, this little puppy has appeared at my house.  He's dirty and cute as hell.  I feed him more than he needs....so he has begun to stick around.



I promise as soon as that cobra shows up again I'll snap a picture (from a safe distance of course), and add it here.

Vesak

Here at Wat Bot these monks are putting their forheads to the floor, 3 times, facing the image of the Buddha as a way of giving thanks and respect to the Great Teacher during the chanting and meditation  on Vesak. Vesak is a Buddhist Holiday in which the birth, enlightenment and death  of the historical Buddha are observed .

For Theravada Buddhists here in Thailand, Vesak is an important day to be marked by rededication to the dharma and the Eightfold Path. Monks and nuns meditate and chant the ancient rules of their orders. Laypeople bring flowers and offerings to the temples, where they may also meditate and listen to talks.

I was honored to have been invited in to the temple by Phra Chanamed, my new friend and teacher, to observe and even take pictures and recordings.  Though I was told over and over that I was allowed to walk all around and snap photos during the ceremony, I felt I would be too great of a distraction to those meditating, so I just stayed in the back.  Still, I got a few decent shots...

This little guy here was way in the back kneeling next to me.  He's supposed to be following the chanting while praying or meditating, but instead hes just staring at me, the big white guy...after this picture I decided to leave the building because I was just distracting too many people with my presence.

Here is a shot of Phra Chanamed in the doorway of the temple - he's keeping an eye on the novices and making sure they are paying attention:



This is a brief video I captured during the chanting of the Dharma, which continued for about an hour - sorry it's sideways, when I rotated it and saved it transfered it to a format that WordPress does not accept, so I had to use this original:

[wpvideo coz1LbLk]

Here's a few more shots and I grabbed during the ceremony:

Yes

Phud, tho, phud, tho…

Phud, breathe in….tho, breathe out….phud, breathe in, tho, breathe out.

Here I am on the floor of Wat Bot, in the lotus position, meditating alongside my new ‘teacher,’ Phra Chanamed.  It’s hot in here, and I’m supposed to be concentrating.  Or is it that I’m supposed to not be concentrating?  I think his brief lesson before we began said to do neither, to be empty, but I can’t remember because I’m thinking too much about squinting the sweat out of my eyes.

Phud in, tho out, phud in, tho out.  I want a cigarette.

He told me he would let me know when our 30 minutes is up, so there is no need to open my eyes and look at the clock.  I want to anyway, but I don’t.  It’s a small success. But then I start thinking, how does he know when the time is up without opening his eyes?

Phud in, tho out, in out in out.  David.  Athens.  Should I have finished my degree?  Phud in, tho out, in out in out in out in out.  Will my students like me?  Will I like them?  In out in out in out.  Am I doing this right?  Is he watching me right now?  Can he see that I keep squirming because this new lotus position thing is incredibly uncomfortable?  Phud in, tho out.  Of course he’s not watching me, nor is he thinking about me.  He’s actually meditating.  Me?  I am sitting, and I am sweating.

“Phud-Tho.”  It means awareness (not a direct translation as “phud” means speak – it’s just what  Phra Chanamed said it means when I asked for the meaning).  I do feel aware.  Aware of the sweat dripping down my back, aware of a noisy bird just outside the window that has overstayed his welcome, aware of the pain in my ankles and my left foot going numb, aware of a million things running through my mind from regret to excitement, fear and loneliness.  I am alone in this new world and I am aware.  And I know this is not the kind of awareness P. Chanamed spoke of about before we began.  I am failing.

I feel his presence move so I open my eyes.  Now begins the walking meditation, something I have never tried before.  I mimic his movement…he is rolling his feet, one in front of another so slowly it almost appears as if he is not moving at all.  Left foot phuuuuuuuud…..right foot thoooooooooo…..left, right.  After 30 minutes in the lotus position, eyes closed, I at least was able to reach that stage where thoughts, good and bad, were somewhat freely flowing through my mind.  But now, this walking, this walking is so slow that all I can think about is not tipping over.  I feel hot and fat.  Three trips up and down the temple floor and I say to him “Phra I can’t free my mind, all I can think about is placing one foot in front of another.”  He smiles, “Yes.”

And we continue.  Phud left, tho right, phud left, tho right. Another 30 minutes.  I have the rhythm down, but my mind is still not free.

We are finished. We kneel, touch our foreheads to the floor three times facing the image of the Buddha as a show of respect and together we leave the temple.

We walk out in to the blistering sun and he asks how I feel. I tell him I feel good, relaxed, like I just slowed down even if just a little.  But I also tell him I don’t think I did a very good job, completing one single hour was so difficult for me I was actually embarrassed.  He asks, “If you feel good and relaxed, then why you say you do a bad job?” I laugh and tell him, “Because I am an American of course, and we are excellent at self-deprecation.”   He doesn’t know the word “deprecation” but he likes my joke anyway, I can tell.

We continue our walk back to the building where he lives behind the temple.  This guy walks slowly, seriously slowly.  He does everything slow….smiles slowly and talks slowly, he reaches for things slowly and drinks his water slowly.  Each time he asks me a question and I answer he thinks, slowly, before speaking again.  I like it, and it makes me nervous.  It makes me feel like he knows me.

He asks if I want to be a monk.  I laugh and tell him I don’t know what I want to be.  He asks if that is why I am here.  I tell him I am here because Marissa said I should come, that she told me about this place.  He pauses for a really long time and then says, “But maybe that’s not why you are here.”  We both smile again.  Him slowly, me nervously.  This guy is intense as hell, but so playful you almost don’t notice.  He is thoughtful and centered and aware, but quick to crack a joke and make sure you see his eyes smile while you talk.  I like him.  I love him.  Marissa told me this would happen.  But she did not tell me we would end up in the temple meditating for an hour, and she did not tell me we would end up spending the entire morning and part of the afternoon discussing life and love and needs and the “world outside” and desire and anxiety.  She did not tell me I would meet this person and have a new friend, and maybe even a new teacher, on hello.

As I say goodbye he says quietly “I hope I see you again.”  I say, “You will.” Then he laughs (which he does often) and says “With you student you teach soon, you will need meditate a lot.” I laugh too and tell him he’s very funny.

I begin the 15 kilometer drive on my moto back to my home in Singburi, the next town over.  A short trip, but just long enough to think….Did that shit really just happen?  Did I seriously just end up in a temple meditating with this amazing monk?  Did I really just melt in to those people and pour my heart out and beg them to tell me how to stop wanting?  Was I really just asked to return to study the teachings, to meditate more, to meet the Abbot?

Yes.

I got back to my apartment, cranked up my aircon, and layed down on my bed (of which the interior is made of coconut husks, mind you….seriously WHERE ARE THE SPRING MATRESSES?).  I fell asleep and dreamed I was with David and his family in Laos.  But I wasn’t happy.  I was very, very tired, and very hungry.  And then I dreamed of pork fried in curry paste over rice with a fried egg on top.  And then I woke up, got back on my moto, and came here to my favorite little eatery where I am eating pork fried in curry paste over rice with a fried egg on top.  And everyone is looking at me funny wondering why I am here with my laptop, sweating and typing away.  And I don’t mind, because I’m letting go.

It’s the lesson of the day.

Like Squirrels, but MONKEYS

So I drove my moto about 30 kilometers east to this town called Lopburi.  Interesting place.....there are monkeys everywhere!  Pretty much like squirrels everywhere in Ohio, but if you ask me....way more cool.  There is a really old temple built there in honor of, or respect of, or something of the monkeys (marrissa, katie, is this true?) because they have been living with the people for so long.  That's the picture above.  Below is a couple vids of the monkeys being monkeys. I also visited a couple of the discoteques....but what can I say, it was fun, but they were pretty much like discoteques everywhere.  The end.

[wpvideo j7CXzc8c]

[wpvideo SVfgyZwq]

[wpvideo OLB5uOOO]

Finally, I don't have to hire a driver....

So I bought a bike....little Honda 125cc, slightly used and in excellent condition.  Totally love it.  And....I'm already comfortable using it Thai style...which means pretending it's actually a pick up truck.  Here you can see my new desk top and a stool for my balcony at my new place strapped to the back.  This is actually considered a light load.  Isn't she pretty?

EAT! (food porn for courtney)

So whenever I wander the world and try writing about it I usually get a message from my dear friend Courtney to post pictures of FOOD.  So this time, my friend, I'm being proactive....

One of the the first people I met in my new town is Note.  He saw me trying to communicate with a guy about buying a moto and came over to help because he speaks English (really well, actually).  Anyway, that first night here in Singburi he gathered his friends and took me out to dinner.  I insisted on paying, but of course he refused...."My country, I welcome you." Here's what we ate:

So that is a crispy fried catfish with dried red pepper, flash fried basil, and fermented egg, which you take tiny pieces at a time and add it to the catfish and basil.  Totally incredibly, by far my new favorite food.  This dish is about 90 Baht, or 3 dollars.

This is pretty standard around here....thai salad with prawns.  It's really common to see this sort of salad, or the papaya salad (which I don't care for too much).  Here you have your veggies and bamboo shoots and cashew nuts and dried peppers and huge shrimps.  It's generally one of the more spicy dishes you will find, and by Thai standards that means for most Americans it's nearly inedible.  For me, I totally loved, and the shrimp were so tender.  This dish was 70 Baht, or just over 2 bucks.  One of my faves...

Morning glory here, or so I was told.  A chinese dish of course but pretty sure it's a common thing around here too.  Couldn't quite figure out what the sauce was though....wasn't quite fish sauce but wasn't quite soy either, and not too salty.  Delicious.  45 Baht, or just over a buck.

The final dish was a crispy fried pork, heavy on the garlic and REALLY heavy on the pepper.  Pretty sure that's about the most common thing to find around here.  Looks like I didn't grab a picture of that....50 Baht, or just under two bucks.

And that would be my new friend Note on the left chowing, and on the right is his friend Maks who I have also come to really enjoy.  He speaks a bit of English too, and one day before I bought my own moto he drove me around for like a billion hours helping me shop for random stuff for me new apartment.  Both really amazing, nice guys....but who isn't in Singburi?

So these two kids joined us for this dinner too but I can't remember their names.  They are 'brothers' of Note, but not actual brothers.  The translation was a bit broken, but from what I understand they were both orphaned and Note has sorta taken them under his wing...hiring them in his shop and having them live in his home.  The one on the left is 13, his parents "ran away" when he was 11.  I couldn't really get more information than that because the English was rough.  The one on the right is 20 and is Laotion.  His father died when searching for metal in the north to sell and was killed by unexploded ordinance.  His mother then moved to Bangkok for work but couldn't support him, so he ended up here in Sinburi working for Note.  They both kind of do a lot of odd jobs around town to support themselves, and Note shelters them and feeds them.  I have started hiring them for small errands and the like as well.  Both are really sweet and seem interested in learning English from me.  We'll see...

This is a realllllly poor quality close up of that 'fermented' egg I mentioned above.  But, I'm not really sure if it is actually fermented.  I tried asking what it was and Note said it's "put in jar with many salt for many months until finish."  It's incredibly salty, and they seem to take tiny pieces of it and put it on a spoonful of that catfish and rice.  Any idea what's goin on hear Courtney?

This is what I'm eating for breakfast pretty much every morning, or a variation of it.  Ground pork stir fried with morning glory and some peppers over rice.  Usually I get a fried egg on top, and everything always comes with that side of fish sauce that apparently you are supposed to just drench everything with (as if fish sauce isn't consumed enough here already).  I usually buy this at the food cart out in front of my apartment for 20-30 baht (just under a dollar) depending on whether I add that egg...and I totally always add that egg.  Cucumbers are always thrown in on the side to cool the palate after all that spicy stuff...but if it's from a street cart I never eat them because I get freaked out about food poisoning ever since my 'incident' in Cambodia.  My rule is....if it isn't cooked, I don't eat it unless it's in a shell, or I washed it myself.  This dish here is usually my standard food throughout the day, those first dishes above are actually kind of expensive so that was more of a 'special' occasion.

My new favorite snack!  I can't remember the name of this fruit but I bet Marissa will.  It's found everywhere here.  You peel off the soft outer skin and inside is a grape-like fruit, but slightly more bitter.   I think it's like ten baht (a quarter) for a bunch of this stuff...they just sorta wrap it up in old newspaper and give it to you.  Oh...and the other little sticks with the plastic ribbons there is NOT food.....you stick money on those and then give it to the temple as merit during hollidays or just when going to give thanks or something.  I can't remember how they ended up there in my bunch of fruit...but there it is.

So there you have it, Court!  Hope you enjoyed....next time I'll take actual video of me slurping curry while moaning or something....I totally know you will love that.

Peace and Food!

Singburi

And so I am here, and I am short on words.  I arrived at about 11 pm from the bus from Chiang Mai.  I was dropped off on the side of a highway just outside of town.  It was dark.  It was quiet.  I didn't know where I was.  And, maybe for the first time in all of my travels in Southeast Asia, I was actually afraid.  I was alone.  I didn't know where I was, where I was going. No cell phone and no map and no address and no directions. I stood there on the side of that road, sweating and tired and confused.  This is shit is deep.

And then a moto came along.  He spoke no English, and I suddenly realized how pathetic my Thai really was.  But somehow he loaded up his tiny moto and giant me and all my luggage and took me in to town to a hotel.  A real hotel, too, which was shocking considering how remote everything felt there in the dark.  I checked in, I laid down on my bed, I felt alone and okay with that and I went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning and began the Great Wander, that little adventure I so crave when walking the alleys of a foreign land....staring and seeing those who stare.  And suddenly everything began.

I have been to Laos, north and South...to Cambodia and the beaches and northernTthailand, to Bangkok and Krong Koh Kong and the alleys of Sri Racha.  But never have I been in a place where people come towards me to HELP, to truly help.  Within minutes of leaving that hotel and wandering in to the streets of a place I have never been for the first time, people of all ages were coming towards me to give me a hand.  To help me find an apartment or a moto or a way to get to the school that I will be working at.  But this time, it was different.  When I told them I am here to work for their schools it all changed. They weren't asking for money.  They weren't asking me to hire them.  They truly, so simplisticily, were just thankful that I am here.  Thankful that I have come to actually teach, to actually be a very, very small part in possibly givine their children an opportunity to further their education.  To learn.

I had a guy drive me around for hours helping me find an apartment.  He wouldn't even let me buy him lunch, let alone pay him for his service.  He simply said, "we are now friends." Another driver took me 20 minutes outside of town to a temple he loved because I told him I am interested in meditating.  Again, no payment. He just made me promise I would call him so we could spend time together.

Right now, honestly.....I just don't even know what to say.  To you it's likely all the boring stuff...found an apartment and a moto and a job and everything is cool.  But what I'm struggling with to find the words to discribe HOW all of this is happening.  To really illustrate what the community is doing for me....it's just....impossible.  But in my next post I'll give it a try.  And if it doesn't work, I have some pictures of awesome food and we can just go with that.

Last thing.....if you are interested in seeing where I am actually at, it's called Singburi City (mueang singburi) in Singburi Province, about two hours north of Bangkok.  Maybe look it up.

Next post....PICS!

My 80%, Hello Singburi

And so today I said goodbye.  Goodbye to kao soy and spicy lemon grass sausage and all those delicacies that are only found in northern Thailand.  Goodbye to Sak, to Jaen, to the woman down the alleyway who makes me coffee every morning and sings in the kitchen while she cooks.  Goodbye to my favorite tuktuk driver who remembered me even after not seeing me for an entire year.  Goodbye to the pancake trail, to the hordes of falang wandering around all sweaty and confused but smiling because they all feel a common sense of adventure, yet with the town being so westernized these days they also secretly know they aren't really being that adventurous at all.  Goodbye to the spas and the insanely cheap massages and the discos and the early morning strolls along the 13th century moat that still surrounds the city.  Goodbye to Chiang Mai.

And hello to Life.

Chiang Mai is a beautiful place.  It’s fun and thrilling and decadent and all those things I desire from a good vacation, a good holiday.  But it’s not my home; it’s not where I want to live.  And that’s why I feel good boarding this bus and heading down to Singburi, to real Thailand.  It’s why I feel just fine saying goodbye. I will see you later, friend.  Laow pope gahn.

A friend once told me 80% of life, of living, is simply showing up (I believe it’s really a quote from Woody Allen, but Woody isn’t the one who said it to me, Elliot did).  I believe it’s true.  It seems I already have a job teaching English in Singburi, and I haven’t even arrived yet.  Friends of course have helped out with this.  A classmate and beautiful friend of mine back in OU used to work at the school there so she of course gave me a hand (actually a BIG hand).  And others , too.  Sak called for me and translated some of the contract details and whatnot.  Things like this.  But I can’t help but think the Universe or God or Chi or Energy or whatever you want to call it is working in my favor.  It’s because I showed up.  It’s because I’m trying.  And sometimes I think that’s the best we can do, and incredibly it’s so often enough.  Maybe more than enough.  It’s my 80%.

I don’t know what lies ahead really.  I don’t know what this town will be like, whether I will hate it or love it or something or somewhere in between.  But for now, I’m going to sit in this comfy chair on this giant bus hurling down a highway towards a place unknown to me, and I will trust in that 80%.  And when the world is ready for me there, when I meet these people and this school and look out over the river and (hopefully) smile, then I will think about the other 20.

And then I will tell you about it.

Oh and one more thing....there is a rooster in a box in the back of the bus and it's really loud.  No, really...a rooster...in the back of the bus. And here we go...

My hood

In case you haven't been to SEA or Thailand these are just a couple snippets I caught while driving around the other day.  Nothing too exciting but might give you a little idea of the world here in Chiang Mai.  I'll be leaving here tomorrow and heading to Sing Buri for work, a much smaller town.  I'll post some videos driving around there too just to show you the difference between "Falang Thailand" and "Actual Thailand."

[wpvideo Uk910wkh]

[wpvideo UvLbcWFp]

We Three Kings

In 1296 King Mengrai founded Chiang Mai in northern Thailand.  He worked with two other kings (I'm too lazy to look up their names right now) to design the city in its square/grid pattern that is seen within the city walls today.  There is a monument dedicated to these kings near where I am staying here in town, and yesterday there was a celebration there to honor their memory.  Unfortunately I could not quite figure out (language barrier) exactly what the festival was for. I asked my friends and as many people as possible and mostly all I got was "three king, very most important, dead here."  In the picture here you can see the monument with some Buddhists there in front, my friend Sak is the guy on the far right.



Ok so here is the interesting thing about this festival.  Lana people were celebrating along with Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Animists, etc...  .  Again, with the language barrier it was so hard to tell what was up, but what I know for sure is different cultures were coming together in one place and spirit and it was a really beautiful thing.  Check out this video.  I'm pretty sure this is some sort of trance. She was swinging around from this white cloth for a REALLY long time, but I only caught the tail end of it.  Notice when she begins to fall down she is helped up and a bowl of flowers and oil is brought to her which she dips her hand in and then puts it on her head.  I'm going to get a hold of my favorite professor back at OU and see if she can give me information on this...

[wpvideo 2YduT8qG]

Again same festival, but now a different culture or religious group.  I think Lana but still not sure...

[wpvideo w9nL6Vy9]

And finally....no idea about this one but, either way she's getting DOWN....

[wpvideo W14WWjfg]

And here are just a couple pics...the first is the REALLY long table where everyone was being fed....soups and curries and the like, and incredibly it was free.  The second is me, Sak, and Jeean...the flower I am holding was given to me by the guy who seemed to be directing everything....microphone and all, and he was definitely Hindu but Sak told me the flower was "luck from Buddha," so that was kind of interesting.

welcome to my latest adventure

It was just over a year ago I sold everything I owned and ran away to Southeast Asia.  If my memory serves me right I believe it was a mixture of boredom with my job at the time and a dash of my cute Laotion-American boyfriend and his sense of adventure that led to such a drastic decision.  It was five months of heaven on earth and it just wasn't enough.  I didn't stay as long as I hoped, I didn't look for that teaching English job in Phnom Penh or Chiang Mai that I said I would, and I left before finding what I really went there for in the first place. This isn't to say it was wasn't worth it. In fact since returning to the states there hasn't been a day that has passed without dreaming of that place, day and night.  It took awhile to admit it to myself and even longer to admit to others that I must return.  And so, I have. I am here.

I have come back to finish what I started.

I will find work here.  I will make myself a home. I will stumble upon that NGO doing true work of value and I will dive in.  I will wake up in the morning and smile at the monks passing me by in their search for their daily alms.  I will smell the lemongrass sausage grilling on the street over an open fire and my stomach will rumble.  I will see the young men with their perfect cheek bones and be overcome with lust. I will fight that lust, and only sometimes will I be successful. And when the young ladies befriend me merely because I am an American I will be patient, knowing they will come to like me not just because of the color of my skin but because of who I am.  I will long for my family and cook outs and little girls' birthdays.  But then I will smile knowing that they are smiling too because if I am happy, they are happy. I will go broke.  I will worry about how I will afford my next visa run, but I will listen to what the monks say: do no harm, throw away your map, and the world will open its doors.  I will miss my American friends, and I will take comfort in knowing all things evolve, even friendship. I will wait for them to visit.

I will be doing what I am doing: running while being still.

I have stories already...falling down the stairs at the aiport (the large bump and incredible pain in my left knee is hopefully nothing more than just that), talking to a Chinese medicine man about herbal sleep aids and then being offered what I believe was an illegal narcotic (I politely said no), eating 3 versions of Kao Soy, a traditional northern Thailand SPICY curry, in as many hours (I got a little sick), and getting a hair cut in an alley by a Thai guy who promises he is "famous singing super star" (I had no problem believing him).  All of this and I haven't even been here 24 hours...

But first, I thought it would be appropriate to make a little post about why I came here in the first place, why I returned to the states, and why I had to drop everything and come back here again so quickly. I feel I owe it to you the friend, the family, the reader. Sometimes, I just have to toss the map....

There will be pictures and stories and thoughts and sad notes about how I miss you, all of you. You will love it, and if not, I will.

kc