It was just over a year ago I sold everything I owned and ran away to Southeast Asia. If my memory serves me right I believe it was a mixture of boredom with my job at the time and a dash of my cute Laotion-American boyfriend and his sense of adventure that led to such a drastic decision. It was five months of heaven on earth and it just wasn't enough. I didn't stay as long as I hoped, I didn't look for that teaching English job in Phnom Penh or Chiang Mai that I said I would, and I left before finding what I really went there for in the first place. This isn't to say it was wasn't worth it. In fact since returning to the states there hasn't been a day that has passed without dreaming of that place, day and night. It took awhile to admit it to myself and even longer to admit to others that I must return. And so, I have. I am here.
I have come back to finish what I started.
I will find work here. I will make myself a home. I will stumble upon that NGO doing true work of value and I will dive in. I will wake up in the morning and smile at the monks passing me by in their search for their daily alms. I will smell the lemongrass sausage grilling on the street over an open fire and my stomach will rumble. I will see the young men with their perfect cheek bones and be overcome with lust. I will fight that lust, and only sometimes will I be successful. And when the young ladies befriend me merely because I am an American I will be patient, knowing they will come to like me not just because of the color of my skin but because of who I am. I will long for my family and cook outs and little girls' birthdays. But then I will smile knowing that they are smiling too because if I am happy, they are happy. I will go broke. I will worry about how I will afford my next visa run, but I will listen to what the monks say: do no harm, throw away your map, and the world will open its doors. I will miss my American friends, and I will take comfort in knowing all things evolve, even friendship. I will wait for them to visit.
I will be doing what I am doing: running while being still.
I have stories already...falling down the stairs at the aiport (the large bump and incredible pain in my left knee is hopefully nothing more than just that), talking to a Chinese medicine man about herbal sleep aids and then being offered what I believe was an illegal narcotic (I politely said no), eating 3 versions of Kao Soy, a traditional northern Thailand SPICY curry, in as many hours (I got a little sick), and getting a hair cut in an alley by a Thai guy who promises he is "famous singing super star" (I had no problem believing him). All of this and I haven't even been here 24 hours...
But first, I thought it would be appropriate to make a little post about why I came here in the first place, why I returned to the states, and why I had to drop everything and come back here again so quickly. I feel I owe it to you the friend, the family, the reader. Sometimes, I just have to toss the map....
There will be pictures and stories and thoughts and sad notes about how I miss you, all of you. You will love it, and if not, I will.
kc
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